old lady

word to the wise-don't schedule three doctor's appointments in one day. i did this today and it was NOT fun. i thought i'd be smart and schedule all the appointments for one day. these are appointments i've put off while busy this semester. well-i felt like an old lady all day. i even fell asleep on my couch in between two of my appointments!!! i never do that! and if today is a glimpse into my future, i don't want to get old! thankfully i got good reports so i won't be going back to any of these docs for a while. i'm gonna go eat some prunes now and put mothballs in my closets...ugh.

december, really?

well, i made it. my last paper has been edited and handed in. classes are done until january 13th. i was sooo excited for this break, but now i'm finding that i'm busier than ever! i have a ton of babysitting jobs, christmas parties, birthday parties, etc. this week was crazy! however-i'm not going to complain. its still nice to not be doing school work. hopefully things will slow down next week and i can actually relax a bit.

is it december yet????

my advise-don't get a new laptop at the end of the semester! it's too tempting to use during those boring classes! for example-i'm in class right now! ugh-i kinda feel guilty, but sometimes class is so off topic and irrelevant to my future that i just tune out. it doesn't help that i have 6 hours of straight classes either. i also can tell its the end of the semester because i seem to find almost ANYTHING to do that can distract me from my work. last night i finished up dinner and knew i had to get back to work. but instead of throwing the dishes in the sink and getting to work i cleaned the kitchen to perfection and then i refilled the salt and pepper shakers. did that need to be done? no! were they almost empty? not really. after i did it i totally realized what i was doing and had to laugh! anyways-i'm sooooo looking forward to the month of december when i have NO classes or assignments. i plan to sleep late and spend endless hours in front of the tv, while reading mindless books. aaaahhhh. i can't wait!

p.s. isn't my laptop pretty? its purple and i love it!!

my new life

sooooooooo...a few things have changed lately that prevent me from blogging the way i'd like to. grad school has taken over my life. every bit of free time/down time is now devoted to writing papers, reading thousands of articles and books, going to class...and did i mention reading and writing? wow! its crazy the amount of work i have to do-but don't get me wrong-I LOVE IT! i'm learning sooooo much and have the most fascinating professors. i actually look forward to all my classes, which is quite a difference from undergrad!

i'm also in love with not working. (maybe kelley was right all those years...working is overrated! ) here is what a typical day of mine looks like:

8:00 alarm goes off
8:30-9 i actually get up
9-9:30 coffee and the today show
9:30-10 check email and get my facebook fix
10-go for a walk (this is a recent addition to my day)
11-shower and get dressed
11:30-12:30 school work
12:30-12:45 lunch
12:45-3:00 school work with frequent breaks to get a drink, use the bathroom, check email, etc.
3:00 get ready for class
3:30-leave for class
4-10 classes (yes, three hours classes back-to-back) it hurts my butt!
10:30-get home and unwind
10:30-11:30 school work
11:30 facebook fix, check email, watch some TV
12-bedtime

okay, okay-i know all you moms hate me right about now. i'm sorry! but now do you understand why i love not working?!?! i know this one year of freedom from work is going to fly by, so i'm trying to enjoy every moment of it!

i apologize in advance for my lack of blogging. all my writing is now devoted to school work. but i will make an honest effort to keep you up to date.

(and if you're interested in boosting my self esteem-please become one of blog followers. i only have 2 right now and that makes me sad! )

beautiful child

the past few weeks have been GREAT! i've dived into this new chapter in my life and i couldn't be any happier. every night, when i lay my head on my pillow, i fall asleep thanking god for all that he has given me and for how he has provided for me to fulfill my dreams. i also thank him for my family who i've also had the awesome opportunity to spend lots of time with these past few weeks, and it has been wonderful! two weeks ago we headed to wrightsville beach for the weekend. it was ry and i, michele and dylan, and kim and howard with the "jcrew". the jcrew is their five kids, jaylyn, jessie, jovie, jax, and jaegar. despite the hour of unpacking/packing the cars every time we went to the beach-it was so much fun. all the kids are at really fun ages and we all enjoyed being with them at the beach. jaylyn is kim and howard's oldest and she turned 9 years old august 24th. jaylyn has grown up so much lately. she not only acts older, but looks a lot older too. it has been so neat to watch her grow up. jaylyn was only 2 when i moved to nc, so i've had the privilege of really watching her grow up. she has an amazing heart for god, she loves her family and is so giving. being the oldest (which i can relate to) she is often required to be the helper or the "built in babysitter". she never seems to mind though and you can see in her eyes how much she loves her little brothers and sisters. when we were at the beach we celebrated her birthday. ryan and i have jaylyn a card and some money. when she came over to say thank you to me, she gave me a big hug and whispered something into my ear that i will never forget. she said "i love you more than you will ever know." it was so precious and so sweet, and i know that it truly came from her heart. i love being a part of her life and i can't wait to watch her continue to grow up. as long as she doesn't grow up too fast!

wake up little suzie, wake up

so today was the first official day on campus, i had orientation this morning and tonight i go to meet all my professors. then we start classes tomorrow. because i'm in the school of education (soe) all my classes are in the same building. this is a plus because unc's campus is pretty big and parking is an issue. so, i took a few minutes this morning to roam around the building that i will be spending LOTS of time in over the next 2 years. i found a great computer lab, my professors' offices, my classrooms and then i stumbled upon the greatest thing i've ever seen. it's a starbucks vending machine!!!! for just $1.25 you can have a fresh cup of starbucks coffee just by swiping your one card! and this machine really makes fresh coffee, because it grinds the beans just for your cup of coffee. oh my, grad school just got a whole lot better!

my little BIG brother

my little brother is not so little anymore. he turns 19 in a few weeks i can't believe it. i have trouble remembering things that happened just a few years ago, yet i remember the day he was born, and the day we brought him home from the hospital, like it was yesterday. i even remember the day that my mom and dad told us (me and ry) that my mom was pregnant.

i was 9 years old and i had had a bad day at school. i fell during gym class and skinned both my knees pretty badly and then i got one of my notorious migraines. needless to say i wasn't very happy when i got home from school. when my dad got home from work my parents called ryan and i into the kitchen and asked us to sit down at the kitchen table. my mom proceeded to tell us that we were getting something new and that they wanted us to guess what it was. we had no idea, but we were excited...so we started yelling out things like, a dog? a cat? a bird? a gerbil? a hamster? we kept guessing wrong so my mom gave us another clue. she said, it has 2 arms and 2 legs. i was stumped. i had already names all the possible animals that i could think of, so i said "a dinosaur?" this made my mom and dad laugh really hard. finally my mom said "do you give up?" and ryan and i said "YES!" and then my mom said she was having a baby. i was ecstatic! i loved babies and wanted nothing more than to have a REAL baby to play with. over the next several months i became very involved in my mom's pregnancy. i served as her spokes person, telling every person we came into contact with that she was having a baby. i went with her to her doctor's appointments and was fascinated with the sonograms. the last month of my mom's pregnancy was filled with anticipation. i wanted everyday to be the day that she gave birth. it was a hot summer and that made it hard on my mom, yet she never seemed to slow down much. our neighbors had a swimming pool but they were only out on the weekends, so they gave us permission to use their pool during the week. we spent many hours at their pool that august. every time my mom got in the water the baby( we didn't know if it was a girl or boy) would kick. my mom would always let me know and i'd quickly swim over to her so i could feel the kicks. it was magical to me. my mom was scheduled for a c-section on august 29th. ryan and i spent the night at my grandparents house. in the morning we headed up to the hospital to wait for the new arrival. it felt like we were waiting for DAYS. my grandparents, my dad, ryan, my aunt gay and i, all waited outside of the operating room. my grandfather entertained us by stealing wheelchairs and stretchers in the hallways. and then finally the moment came. the nurse came out rolling a baby cart and she said "its a boy!" i remember being overcome with emotions and immediately i started crying. we all ran over to the cart to catch a glimpse of the sweet little baby. we got to ride in the elevator with the nurse to the nursery. everyone was crying tears of joy, even my dad, and that made me cry even more! a few days later he had a name, jason edward, it took my parents a while to decide between the name jason and justin. i think they made a good choice! before he came home my grandparents helped ryan and i decorate for his arrival. we hung white and baby blue streams all over the place, along with balloons. i even taped up steamers across the entrance to the house, so that my mom would have to cut them before entering the house. he wore the cutest NY giants sweatsuit home from the hospital. he looked adorable and so little! that day was one of the happiest days of my life. i was so excited to have my very own real baby to play with. my dolls did not compare to the real thing! after the excitement of bringing him home my parents sat down on the couch to relax and my grandparents headed home. i remember having a very specific mission in mind and i was very intent on carrying it out. i headed into the living room and asked my parents if i could show jason around the house. they smiled and said yes. so, i took him in my arms and took him into every room in the house. i told him what each room was and what we did in that room. looking back, i'm not sure why that was so important to me. obviously it meant absolutely nothing to a 3 day old baby! yet i loved doing it and will never forget it.

fast forward almost 19 years later and jason is getting ready to enter his sophomore year at high point university. he's a great person, with a big heart and a smile that could melt anyone. we aren't as close as we use to be, but i believe that in time we will again be very close to each other. right now we are just in very different phases of our lives and he has a rigorous social schedule to attend to! he will always be my little brother though, and he will always hold an incredibly special place in my heart. i love you jay! thanks for giving me such special memories.

Our hearts

This is the song that Annie's sister found, that TRULY sums up how we all feel about the mission trip we just went on. I had to post it because it is so beautiful and so true.

Written by Sara Groves

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road, cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me your dream inspires
your face a memory your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of(what I am made of)
and what I know of love
we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution
Something on the road,touched my very soul
I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction
Something on the road, changed my world

Click on this link to see the music video by Sara Groves:
http://new.music.yahoo.com/videos/--52356267

These are the chips....

That caused marissa to spill her entire can of coke on our flight from Swaziland to Johannesburg. The picture didn't come out too well, but if you look closely you can see a Hispanic looking character holding a chip on the bag. Next to him it says "BEEG, very BEEG!" and on the back of the bag it says "Me, I'm Jose, I like Honey Mustard BEEG time!"

How politically uncorrect are these chips?!?!?! I mean come on now!

My trip to Africa

Okay people-I finally wrote about my trip. You may need to pour a cup of coffee for this one-its long!!!

It was three weeks ago today that I was journeying home from Africa. I thought that I would come home and quickly write all about my adventures and send out lots of pictures and stories. However I found it hard to “digest” all the amazing things that took place in Africa. I’m still reluctant to sit down and write about it, in fear that my words will not even come close to capturing how truly amazing this trip was. I will try my best though!
Team Swazi departed from North Carolina the morning of June 19th and we arrived in Swaziland at 10pm on the 20th. It was a LONG trip. The longest of the four flights was 18 hours! We checked in to our bed and breakfast and got some much needed sleep. The bed and breakfast was a pleasant surprise; it was much nicer than we expected it to be. Each room had its own bathroom, mini refrigerator and TV. These comforts were really helpful to us at the end of each long day.
We spent most of our time at the Moneni Carepoint. It’s one of many that Children’s Cup has established in Africa. Christy Merrill, who is my friend from North Carolina, is in charge of this Carepoint. The Carepoints provide a meal, once a day, for any kids in the area that have been signed up by a parent, sibling, auntie, etc. The Carepoints also provides free education through second grade. There is no such thing as public school in Swaziland. All the schools charge tuition and the children have to wear uniforms. If your family has no money then you don't go to school. Children’s Cup works very hard to raise money to pay for these children to go to school. School fees vary depending on the school and the grade level (the higher the grade level the more it costs). School fees cost anywhere between $25-$125 US dollars. To us that seems like nothing, but to a Swazi family it is a lot of money. While at the Moneni Carepoint we got to do a variety of things. We observed the classes and meet all the kids on our first day; we also helped prepare the daily meal of “pap and beans”. We spent one morning doing crafts with the kids during their school day. We also painted the two storage rooms, hallways and bathrooms at the Carepoint. We painted them a beautiful “Carolina blue” color and we put up a cute Sesame Street border. It looked great!
My favorite thing about the trip was spending quality time with the kids and simply pouring our love out to them. The kids were absolutely wonderful to spend time with. I expected the kids to be sad and unhappy, but I was pleasantly surprised that they appeared to be very happy kids! You see, these kids have no idea how bad they have it. They don’t know any better. Many of them have HIV, many have lost one or both parents to AIDS, and for most of them their only meal each day is the one provided by Children’s Cup...yet they’re happy. I found that amazing and comforting.
One of the special things we did with the kids was showing them a movie complete with popcorn and candy! We showed them a cartoon movie about Daniel and the lion’s den and we shared with them the story and explained to them the importance of trusting and obeying God. They loved watching the movie and for most of them it was the first time they had seen one. Before the movie started I gave out the Pixie Sticks that I had brought with me. I showed them how to eat one and they were so excited! Watching them enjoy the movie, candy and popcorn was great. We also spent one afternoon just playing with the kids in the yard outside of the Carepoint. School lets out at noon, but the daily meal is not served until 3pm, so the kids just hang out and play games until its meal time. These kids are not use to getting much attention from adults. Culturally, parents do not interact with their children very much. Not to mention that many are orphans due to the high level of AIDS in Swaziland. Therefore, the kids absolutely loved the fact that we were interacting with them, playing games with them, and giving them lots of love! There were so many kids in the yard that day and I wanted to spend time with each of them. Their favorite thing was when we took a picture of them and then showed them the picture on our digital camera screens. I can’t tell you how many pictures I took! While playing in the yard I always made sure to comfort any kids that were crying after falling down, or being pushed, etc. This is just a natural instinct for me, and I’m sure teaching kindergarten for five years also brought out the comforting side of me. Well, the kids quickly caught on that I was the one they should come if they were upset. It was so special for me to be able to play that role. There were two kids that afternoon that grew attached to me for one reason or another. The first was a sweet little girl that was about 5 or 6 years old. She was crying because she had gotten into an argument with another child. When I picked her up she immediately rapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder. I walked around with her like that for a few minutes and silently prayed for her. After only a few minutes one of the teachers pointed out that she was fast asleep on my shoulder. It was so sweet. I held her for as long as I could and then laid her down on a mat to rest. The second girl was much younger and I’m not sure why she was crying. I picked her up and she did the same thing, she laid her head down and clung to me. Whenever I tried to put her down she wouldn’t let me! She is the child in the enclosed picture. She wouldn’t put her feet on the ground! I hope that these children felt love, peace and warmth as I held them. That was my prayer as I held them in my arms…that for just that moment they could feel the love that God has for them through me.
We spent one afternoon at the government hospital. While we were there we visited the children’s ward and the women’s ward. While in the children’s ward we prayed with the sick children and their mothers. We also gave out prayer bears that the kids from our church had made. It was great to see the kids light up and smile when we gave them a bear and spent some time with them. While in the women’s ward we again prayed with the patients and spoke encouraging words to them.
The neatest thing that we did while in Swaziland was distribute the Samaritan’s Purse Christmas boxes at two Carepoints. My church has been participating in this Samaritan’s Purse event for years. I’ve helped make and pack many shoeboxes. Being on the other end of this great cause was absolutely amazing. It was truly Christmas in July! (Yes, it takes from December until now for the boxes to make it all the way to Swaziland!!!) The kids we gave the boxes to had never gotten one before and they were so excited. To watch them take their boxes and open them to find new toys and treats was great. I will never forget the joy I saw on their faces. It truly was priceless.
One afternoon we went on a walk through the community surrounding the Moneni Carepoint. We went to visit with people who were sick so that we could visit and pray with them. It was a humbling experience to see the living conditions of these people. None of the houses we visited had running water or electricity and many were just mud huts with dirt floors. We had the privilege of praying with several people. One was a single mom with AIDS, one was a 94 year old man who had injured his back and legs in a fall, and the last was Senzo. Senzo is a 15 year old boy whose parents both died of AIDS. Senzo is raising his two younger sisters, ages 12 and 9. He is struggling to raise his sisters and provide for them. Thankfully they all attend the Carepoint and are provided with food and love from the Children’s Cup staff. Senzo was only able to attend school through third grade and therefore he is not educated enough to get a job. However, he volunteers at the Carepoint everyday, helping cook, clean and prepare meals. We were all touched by Senzo and his situation. Because of the generosity of our supporters, we had some extra money when we arrived in Africa. We used that money to buy Senzo food, a cooking pot and some new bowls and utensils. We also were able to pay the school fees for one of his sisters. We also set up a system with Christy to have Senzo “paid” for his volunteer work at the Carepoint. Using the donations (until it runs out) Christy will buy food for Senzo and his sisters each month. This will ensure that they do not go hungry on the weekends, when the Carepoint is closed. It felt great to be able to do this for Senzo and his sisters.

Well I could go on and on, but I think I covered all the most important events. If you are interested in supporting Children’s Cup Ministries, please visit their website: childrenscup.org. They truly are an amazing ministry that is doing great work for the Lord, but they can not do it without financial support.

i'm home!

we arrived safely back home yesterday morning. everyone stayed healthy on the return trip and all our luggage arrived too, yeah! i'm still adjusting from jet-lag and reverse culture shock, but other than that all is well. i plan to blog ALL about the trip, but i still need a few days to gather my thoughts. in the meantime i share with you my favorite picture from the trip.

the end of an era...

today is my last day at north chatham. i started here in 2003, just 1 month after moving to NC. i was young, scared, didn't know anyone and really didn't now much about myself. over the past 5 years i've grown SO MUCH and a lot of my growth has happened here at ncs. i've worked with some wonderful people who've inspired me to be a great teacher, i've worked with some not so wonderful people that have taught me how to love "unconditionally" and to accept things despite how i may feel about them, and i've made life long friends here too. leaving here is bittersweet. i'm obviously excited about going back to school to get my masters, but leaving this school is hard. so if you see me or talk to me over the next few days i may seem out of sorts. my emotions are all over the place as the end of an era in my life comes, and a new one begins...

randomness

-the past few days have been great. i had a nice, relaxing and fun weekend. last night i got to spend some true quality time with my brother and we had a great time. we went to carrboritos for dinner and sat outside and then we went for a stroll through the gimgoughl (spelling?) road historical district. the houses are so gorgeous and everything was blooming! then we went to lickity split for some yummy ice cream. what a great night!
-ryan got another very cool tattoo yesterday and i got to go with him. it's on his forearm and says "take courage". i love it!
-my mom is coming to town tomorrow for the long weekend. i'm excited to see her and spend some quality time with her.
-kim is being induced tomorrow. baby jeager should be here sometime tomorrow! i can't wait to meet him!!!
-fireworks are one of my favorite things. i went to a durham bulls game on friday night and after the game they did fireworks. i sat through them with an ear-to-ear grin. i feel like a kid in a candy store every time i see fireworks! i hope, i mean dream, to have them at my wedding someday :)
-my best friend has gone m.i.a. kelley-if you read this please call me!!!!!!!!!
-there are only 14 school days left! i'm so ready for this school year to be OVER! i'm not looking forward to packing up my classroom though :/
-i'm going to africa in less than a month! i'm so excited that i can't really put words to my feelings! go team swazi.
-i started walking/jogging again. i've only been 3 times in the past week-but its a start. slow and steady runs the race, right?!?!
-i've truly enjoyed the wonderful smells of spring while on my walks/jogs. honeysuckle is my favorite smell in the whole world. love it!

wisdom

we had kindergarten screening yesterday for next year's class. i was working with a little boy and he was doing a great job. i asked him, "how did you get so smart?" and in a very matter-of-fact way he said "oh, god told me how to do it." and he continued working.

i love the innocence and honesty of children.

my tattoo!!!

I finally got my first tattoo! I've been thinking about it for a long time now and I always knew what I wanted to get. It was just a matter of getting the nerve up to do it. I got the Ichthus-better known as the "Christian fish". Here is some history on it:
" Ichthus is the Greek word for fish and it represents the first letters in the words of the Greek phrase meaning "Jesus Christ Son of God. Savior." This earliest Christian symbol was based on many of the disciplines being fishermen. Since Christianity was an underground movement for the first 300 years. The Ichthus was a secret sign that allowed followers to identify themselves to one another. Upon meeting someone, a Christian would quietly make a single arced mark in the earth. If the stranger were Christian he would complete the sign of the fish by adding a reverse arc. Today this simple outline of the fish of the letters IXOYC can be seen worldwide as symbol of one's faith in Jesus Christ, Son of God and Savior. "

I love it!

all blogging aside...

no, seriously...how has it been a month since my last post?!?! wow. let me tell you my life is at the beginning of a new chapter and i'm so excited about it. as many of you well know by now, i got the scholarship i've been praying for, hoping for, dreaming for. sometimes i still can't believe it! the life that i have grown very use to is about to be completely changed. i'm sooooo use to teaching kindergarten. i know i've only been doing it five years-but in this phase of my life that feels like a lifetime. five years ago i still had no idea who i really was and what i really wanted. in five years time i have learned so much about who i am, what i want and who i want to be. however i always thought that the "who i want to be" was out of reach or too big of a dream. but now the dream, the prayer, is coming true. i can't wrap my mind around the fact that i'm only teaching for about thirty more days and then i'm done! no more "nine to five" for me. i'll be a full time student again with a backpack and some classes that won't require me to get out of bed till noon (insert HUGE smiley face) crazy right?!?! of course the whole "nine to five" deal will return when i complete school, but it will be the "nine to five" that i always wanted. aside from all that my trip to africa is right around the corner! despite all the busyness of school, registering for classes, finding a summer job, etc. i'm going to africa! i still can hardly believe it. i feel as if i've walked into god's favor. like he has been at work behind the scenes of my life and just now, this month, i walked through the curtains to see all that he has done. it is amazing and i'm in awe of his goodness to me. i sometimes question how deserving i am of all this. but god quickly reminds me that because of his grace and mercy and unfailing love-i deserve it all.

point of view

it's official!

my flight to swaziland is booked! i'm so excited! it has already been an amazing journey, and i'm not even there yet! god is working in amazing ways. we needed to pay for our plane tickets by march 31st and i do not have enough support money to buy my tickets yet. however, god provided and one of the other team members was able to use her credit card for my ticket. as soon as i have enough support money she will get paid back for the ticket. i've known for a while now about the march 31st deadline-but every time i started to worry about it god said "no, no, no." as in-don't worry about it...i've got it covered. the past 48 hours i started to freak because the deadline was fast approaching and the money was still not here. i should have known better though-i should have listened to god and not worried. lesson learned. i guess i'm just still in awe of how amazing god can be. so i've got my plane ticket (actually SEVEN!) for africa. i'm going, and its all because i serve an amazing god. thanks to all of you for your prayers and support :)

florida

we made it to florida! it feels good to be here. it is so peaceful at my aunt's house. we got in late and slept in this morning. its raining today-but that's okay. it gives us a chance to settle in, visit my grandparents, etc. the forecast for sunday through next saturday is all sun!!! so we will have plenty of time to catch some rays. we are headed to the movies today to see the bank job. it looks like it will be a good one. i hope everyone has a great easter!

life

wow-i haven't blogged in a while. i've been so busy! but lots of good stuff is going on. today i found out i was accepted to UNC!!!! i'm excited. i still need to wait to find out about the scholarship i applied for, but i'm halfway in the door!!! anyways, ryan and i are headed to florida tomorrow to meet up with my mom and visit my grandparents. our plans for the week in florida? sleep in, get a tan, relax.

i can't wait! i really need this. i'll get back to you from the sunshine state!!

happy easter!

by the grace of god...

one year ago today something amazing happened. it was an amazing god thing. and i don't feel i can give it any justice unless i tell the story...so read on.

i woke up with a pit in my stomach-ryan had not come home again. this was one of dozens of nights that he didn't make it home after a long night of drinking. i was mentally and physically exhausted from worrying. my hope was fading and my days were consumed with just making sure he was alive. we barely spoke. my family and i had not given up on ryan-not once...but we had no idea how to help him. he was so lost, so unhappy and so out of control. he had been to rehab twice already, he had been diagnosed with epilepsy, and he wouldn't listen to us anymore. this had been going on for 7 years.

i drove to work and just prayed the entire time-i cried out to the lord as i had thousands of times in the past-i begged him to help ryan. i had been at work only an hour or two when i got a phone call from his girlfriend, elizabeth. ryan had lost control again and ended up at her door step in a drunken state. she would not let him in knowing his condition and he proceeded to punch holes in her door and verbally threaten her. she called the cops-but he got away before they got there. i could not leave work, and what good would it have done anyways? he probably was now at home sleeping it off. i prayed my way through the rest of the day and left immediately after school. i called adam on my way home to see if ryan had showed up at work. he was on his way to the job to check. i told adam to pray-it was clear that ryan's situation was getting worse by the day. i prayed some more.

i got home and ryan was no where to be seen. i called him and left messages, i talked to my parents and asked them to pray. i knew he would be home soon and a confrontation would take place. i prayed.

he came home shortly after i spoke with my parents. he tried to walk right past me and to his room. i stopped him and began talking. what exactly did i say? i don't know. i just know that god was speaking through me and i needed to keep talking. ryan stood in front of me with a blank stare-his eyes were so empty and his shoulders hung low-his knuckles bloody. the longer i talked the more he seemed to listen, until finally something in him broke. in fact i think everything in him broke...his heart, his mind, his physical being, all of it. he began to cry and then sob. he let out years worth of tears. i told him it was time to get help NOW. i got out the phone book-opened it to the yellow pages section titled "addiction" and handed him the phone. he looked at me as if to say"really? right now? i have to do this now?" and i said yes. the events that followed happened only by the grace of god. he entered an outpatient rehab program through unc, he started going to church on a regular basis, he met with our pastor, he started telling the truth. months later he rededicated his life to the lord and was baptized.

i have my brother back-the brother i thought was gone forever. he beat a disease that has affected my family for over 75 years. i believe he broke a generational curse. today he has been sober 365 days. we are closer than we have ever been. he is not just my brother...he is one of my best friends. thank god for what he did. it has been an amazing year and i can't wait to see what he has in store for ryan in the future.

happy one year of sobriety ryan. words hardly express how proud we are of you. i love you...

crazy

my assistant's brother works at our school. he is one of our custodians. on thursday he came into our classroom to say goodbye to his sister (he was going home early). when he was walking out of the room my assistant said "see you at home". they live right next door to each other. one of my students was listening and he said "mrs. marsh, are you married to your brother?" she giggled and said no. my student said"oh good, 'cause my dad told me if you marry our sister or brother you have crazy babies."

too funny!

faith

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

I'm going to Africa!!!!!! (thanks Annie, can't wait to see you christy, and thanks to my faithful god for working in my heart and the hearts of my friends to encourage me to go!)

good times

saturday night i went out with my peeps from work and we had a great time. we went to the long branch saloon in raleigh. if you've never been its kind of like walking into the heart of texas. you'll see lots of cowboys, lots of hairspray and some serious line dancing. i'm proud to say that i learned how to do 4 line dances!!!! yes i did. for the most part i think they look harder than they really are-most of these dances are just a mix of about 3-5 basic steps. and as an added bonus we got to see a gorgeous country singer, chuck wick, perform. he was so yummy! anyways, it was a good time. here are a few pictures from the night. enjoy!

need i say more??????

so it's finally super bowl weekend. jason is here for the festivities, i've cooked "crack for your taste buds" snack mix ( i know its a crazy name), and heath bar chocolate cake. kim and howard are making meatball subs, michele is making spinach artichoke dip, elizabeth is making pigs in a blanket and ryan is bringing (notice i didn't say making) wings and cheese dip. we've got the big screen hd television, plenty of soda, but there is one thing missing.... mom and dad :(

now if this was just any super bowl it wouldn't be as important for them to be here-but this is a super bowl with the NY GIANTS. we have been die hard giants fans for as long as i can remember and we've watched almost every past super bowl that they were in as a family. so, it's kinda makes me sad that we can't be together. we looked at airfare and the possibility of them coming, but it was just too expensive and impossible to get them back to NY by monday morning for work. so-the halsey family will watch the super bowl from NY and NC-we're gonna try to connect a webcam so we can talk a bit during the game. we aren't sure it will work but we'll try. i think this is just another reason why they need to move to NC asap!!!!

Go GIANTS!!!!

bliss

due to the wintry mix that has fallen around the triangle my school has a two hour delay. can i just tell you how glorious a two hour delay is? some might think its not as good as a snow day...but you're wrong! if we have a snow day it has to made up, but a two hour delay? those precious two hours are MINE and we don't have to make them up! so, when i got the phone call at 4am i reset my alarm clock-changing it from 5:40 to 7:40!!!! if you know me you know how much i love sleep-so that was great. right now i am watching the today show-which i NEVER get to see, while sipping on my morning coffee...sipping-i usually am gulping the last of it down when the kids are walking into the classroom. and it gets better-when the kids arrive at school this morning they will come in at 9:45 and by the time they unpack and do their warm up work it will be lunch time!!!! (yeah, we have an early lunch at 10:15) which means my teaching part of the day will already be half over. wow-can we have a 2 hour delay everyday?

movies

over the past week i have seen two very good movies.

last friday night i saw juno. if you liked little miss sunshine, you will love this movie too. it is full of quirky characters and lots of laugh. ellen page plays juno and she's the main character. ellen is such a great actress! this is her breakthrough performance and i can guarantee this will not be her last. go see juno!!! if you need someone to see it with i would totally go again.

last night i saw p.s. i love you. it was sooooo good! i laughed wholeheartedly AND cried wholeheartedly, that makes a great movie if you ask me. hillary swank is phenomenal and the guys in this movie are HOT! bring your tissues.

now i want to see 27 dresses and the bucket list. i really do love movies :)

God says...

I say: Its impossible. God says: All things are possible. Luke 18:27

I say: I'm too tired. God says: I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28-30

I say: Nobody really loves me. God says: I love you. John 3:16, 3:34

I say: I can't go on. God says: My grace is sufficient. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I say: I can't figure things out. God says: I will direct your steps. Proverbs 3:5-6

I say: I can't do this. God says: You can do all things. Philippians 4:13

I say: I can't forgive myself. God says: I forgive you. 1 John 1:9

I say: I can't manage. God says: I will supply all your needs. Philippians 4:19

I say: I'm afraid. God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7

I say: I'm always worried and frustrated. God says: Cast all your cares on ME. 1 Peter 5:7

I say: I'm not smart enough. God says: I give you wisdom. 1 Corinthians 1:30

I say: I feel all alone. God says: I will never leave you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5