Below is a journal entry from August 2005. It seems like ages ago right?!?! So why am I posting this now you ask? Well, God is good. The prayers and prayers and more prayers that I and so many others have prayed for Ryan have been answered. Today marks 2 months of sobriety for Ryan! Praise the Lord! He has been transformed by God and I am finally starting to see the old Ryan...the Ryan that I grew up with, the Ryan that I loved. The pain of the past is still very fresh though, and I find myself still doubting him, worrying about him, suspecting things, etc. I know that only time can heal these things, and at the end of each day now I can breath a sigh of relief. I still have my brother, God spared his life...and I also believe that God is going to work though Ryan in amazing ways. I look forward to what God has in store for him. Happy 2 months Ry! I am so proud of you!!!
August 27, 2005
I use to have a brother named Ryan. We grew up together and I think I loved him more than any other sister loved her brother. My other brother Jason and I both loved Ryan. The three of us had so many memorable times growing up. I remember growing up on Loper’s Path with Ryan. Even when we both went our separate ways off to college, we remained best friends. He even came all the way from his college to mine to surprise me on my birthday one year.
I do not have a brother named Ryan anymore. I have an alcoholic for a brother. He is not Ryan now, he is an alcoholic. The Ryan that Jason and I love has been gone for sometime now. It only gets more and more painful as time goes by. Jason and I are still growing up together, but we do it with heavy hearts now. A part of us is missing and we can only remember the past to hold onto memories of Ryan. We try to talk about the good times often, to keep them fresh in our mind. Otherwise we will forget the brother Ryan we once had.
I hope and pray more than anything that Ryan will come back someday. It may never be the same, but I still want part of him back. Right now Jason and I just have an alcoholic for a brother. I hate my alcoholic brother. My heart will never fully mend until I have Ryan back. I love Ryan and always will. I pray that the Lord will send back my brother. That is all I want. I still love Ryan more than any other sister loves her brother.
August 27, 2005
I use to have a brother named Ryan. We grew up together and I think I loved him more than any other sister loved her brother. My other brother Jason and I both loved Ryan. The three of us had so many memorable times growing up. I remember growing up on Loper’s Path with Ryan. Even when we both went our separate ways off to college, we remained best friends. He even came all the way from his college to mine to surprise me on my birthday one year.
I do not have a brother named Ryan anymore. I have an alcoholic for a brother. He is not Ryan now, he is an alcoholic. The Ryan that Jason and I love has been gone for sometime now. It only gets more and more painful as time goes by. Jason and I are still growing up together, but we do it with heavy hearts now. A part of us is missing and we can only remember the past to hold onto memories of Ryan. We try to talk about the good times often, to keep them fresh in our mind. Otherwise we will forget the brother Ryan we once had.
I hope and pray more than anything that Ryan will come back someday. It may never be the same, but I still want part of him back. Right now Jason and I just have an alcoholic for a brother. I hate my alcoholic brother. My heart will never fully mend until I have Ryan back. I love Ryan and always will. I pray that the Lord will send back my brother. That is all I want. I still love Ryan more than any other sister loves her brother.
2 comments:
soooo sad. But such a happy ending! :0)
wow jenn, that is a powerful letter. i'm so glad to hear that things are looking better for Ryan and your family. it is very difficult to have a love one who is an alcoholic. congrat Ryan for 2 years
Post a Comment